Contrary to many, I’ve never liked to study in my room. It’s always easy to get distracted, the bed is in the corner asking you to lie down and with no one to look at you it’s very easy for my mind to get distracted. For some it could mean 15 minutes of YouTube videos, maybe at most an hour of Netflix but for me it can dwell into hours of binge watching even though there are so many more productive balanced things I can do. And before you think everyone does this (cos they do haha) I feel I can do this for like a whole week which is horrible for productivity, my neck posture and my ever increasing adipose tissue. I started to realise its honestly an escape for me, and the time I’m stuck at home made me all the more realise how strong my insecurities are and to run away from responsibilities and disciplining myself.
Going out and meeting people was a way to remind myself of the goals to strive towards, of the promises I made myself and to God to be a better Christian. Now in my current position, I realise that too is an excuse I have been giving myself, a way to discipline and to improve. Being stuck at home made me realise a deep spiritual need to understand that under any circumstance, God is my refuge and strength, a solid rock of unwavering power and love for me. I should not rely on myself wholly to face my own insecurities and fully immerse in the idea that Christ is truly the answer to my escapism.
Practically this means instilling more confidence in my identity in Christ through reading the Word of God, being humble to break any shame I currently hold and to increase my capacity to love God and others. As I try to instill more of this, the more I realise that with Christ I truly lack nothing. Despite all the fear, suffering and doubt the current situation seems to have, I am reminded that I have everything I need to combat my insecurities and to hope for a better tomorrow. Christ is the answer and with conviction and humility, I will pursue this relationship till the end of my days.
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord